Wednesday, September 09, 2009

The Artist's Way ~ Week 3 check-in

This week in TAW was about recovering a sense of power - which, as children, many of us do not have very much of. I found it interesting that anger is fuel and is meant to be listened to. The very first paragraph in this chapter spoke volumes to me. We are taught to be nice, so we stuff our anger because good girls don't get angry or cause a scene. And we lose our selves and can no longer distinguish the voice of our authentic self. We don't trust our intuition. We give our power away.
Syncronicity is simply answered prayers. Julia tells us to "take a small step in the direction of a dream and watch the synchronous doors flying open." and "Understand that the what must come before the how. First choose what you would do. The how usually falls into place of itself." It would be interesting to keep a journal of answered prayers.
"We all have our Africas, those dark and romantic notions that call to our deepest selves."
(my favorite quote from page 64)
I have carried shame with me from my high school years and early adulthood. I have made my fair share of mistakes and have many regrets, but I can't change the past. I have decided that the past is just that - the past - and that I must leave it behind. For I am not the person that I was (not that I was ever terribly bad. I was the good girl after all.) Julia says "the antidote from shame is self-love and self-praise", two things I am not very good at as I tend to be overly critical of myself. But I can learn to be!
Growth comes with time. There can be no rushing. The insights will come as I release the need to know it all now. I must remind myself easy does it, not only physically, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Julia recommends practicing being kind to yourself in small, concrete ways and being open to receiving gifts from odd or unexpected channels.
I loved my childhood bedroom because it was neat & clean. Mama never had to clean my room, unlike my sisters. :) I liked to rearrange my pretties and posters on the wall. It was my own private sanctuary. Though I share my bedroom with my husband, I still have surrounded myself with things of beauty that I love.
As a child I was: confident, tried new things, energetic, friendly, happy.
Five childhood accomplishments:
~ Won the spelling bee in 4th grade
~ Audtioned for & won the solo in the Christmas musical in 5th grade
~ Sang Amazing Grace in church in front of a large congregation
~ Hit the neighbor boy in the eye with a stick I threw after I told him I would do so if he didn't leave me alone
~ Stood up to a bully (girl) in 6th grade
Favorite Foods: Cocoa pepples, Mama's baking, Icees, Red Hots cinnamon candy, bubble gum, soft serve ice cream
Three bad habits: Too much time on the computer, lack of exercise, procrastinating on writing.
Artist Date - no; finances have been tight & I can not justify spending money of frivolty.
Morning Pages - none this week. I can't bring myself to do them. Perhaps it's the rebel in me....tell me I must and I refuse to cooperate. I journal quite a bit and I just repeat the same things over & over again. Boring!
Syncronicity - I don't recall any, but then I wasn't particularly on the lookout for it either. I'll have to remember to take notice this week. I will start an answered prayer journal.


Laurie said...

Wow, this is one thought provoking post.
On syncronicity ~ "Understand that the what must come before the how. First choose what you would do. The how usually falls into place of itself."
That has me really thinking.
Don't have regrets about the past Tracy. I struggle with this all the time. I think the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. We just have to learn to let some things go...
Sending you hugs))

judiPatootie said...

yes you can have an artists date.. just go for a walk.. or get on teh internet and plan a trip to someplace you've
dreamed of..its FREE!! go some place public, like a mal, coffee shop.. and people watch and draw, write a story about them.. take your linch outdoors under a tre and imagine that you are in.. wherever you'd like to be.Hawaiii, Yellowstone, South of France//
then paint or draw where your "went" ..go to a thrift shop.. just look and imagine who ()and why )those things belonged to

go fro a penny ride and do the penny directions.. flip a penny at each red light.. heads, go left, tails go right ..etc..its a blast!

Meredith said...

What a list of childhood accomplishments!!! I get such a vivid picture of that feisty little girl. (I could never have sung in church solo, no way!)

I think Judi has a point. Although I have ended up spending money on every artist date so far, I've got one planned that's going to be free. It's almost like making a stand and telling your artist she's worth your time -- even if money is tight. (Which I totally understand.) I personally think that feisty little girl I sensed in your post, she deserves a bit of playtime.

Yum, Icees -- you know I bought one on my first AD of the course for the change leftover from the rest of the date. Hadn't had one in years. It was sooo good!

Sonny said...

What an inredibly, heartfelt post you wrote here. It sounds like this chapter spoke to you just as much as it did me.

"And we lose our selves and can no longer distinguish the voice of our authentic self. We don't trust our intuition. We give our power away." <---- I TOTALLY agree with you here. As you read my story on chapter 4, you will see what I mean. I gave my "power" away for far too long and am taking it back...bit by bit.

I also agree with you statement that growth comes with time. Growth AND healing comes with time.

Thank you for your post. It was quite touching and inspiring for me andh helps to know that I am not alone in my struggles to continue to find me and who I keep being strong.

Judit said...

Artists dates dont have to cost ... I had an AD last week, I cooked and baked for the child within. Meals that my family doesnt like, so i got to eat up all the good stuff. On another date I coloured in a coloring book (that was already sitting on my bookshelf for years). I understand your financial situation. I am in the same situation. That is why I dont plan to actually spend anything on ADs. But still have a great time.
I am sure you will find something to bring joy to your artist child!

Kavindra said...

I am so loving all the childhood memories - you are alot younger than me, yet our memories are similar! Your favorite foods just crack me up! And I agree with the others, what a kickass little girl you were. I'd love to be able to meet her and congratulate her on her bravery.

And nope, you don't need to spend a dime on an artist date silly! One time I did an artist date at Michaels, just looking. I got inspired to use the stuff I have at home and left with my wallet fully intact. Parks, art galleries, garden centers ... I don't know what your particular inspirations are, but I bet you can find something free.