Sunday, August 17, 2008

Dread and Thankfulness


Today Alfred's National Unit had a Family Day cookout. I dreaded going because I haven't been that far from home since I started feeling bad and I was worried about feeling ill and not being close to home, but I went anyway. I fought the ill feelings. They came in waves, but I made it. I was relieved when we were able to leave and return to the comforts of home.

It has been really difficult for me because I want to be able to go out and about with Alfred and the kids and be normal. I don't think that Alfred really understands what I'm going through. And I worry that perhaps this will eventually put a strain on our marriage. Of course, all of this worry does not help matters any...

For now, I must be gentle and patient with myself and pray that others will be understanding as I try to regain normalcy in my life. I'm thankful that I can at least go out & about in my little town....something I couldn't even do at first. I'm thankful that I can order just about anything I need online & have it delivered to my door. I'm thankful for the comforts of home.

2 comments:

Sacred Suzie said...

I think focusing on the positive and the fact that you did it and worked through the fear is a good approach. Babysteps. It takes time.

Sandcastle Momma said...

I'm so sorry you're having this problem! I went through a time several years ago and experienced the same thing. Oddly it went away on it's own but I still have days where I can't breathe if I have to leave my comfort zone. Good luck with this - I know how hard it is and I will be praying for you!